Invasive Questions People Think It Is Ok to Ask You When You’re Pregnant

Uncomfortable and embarrassing pregnancy questions

You know, before I got pregnant I would read articles all the time shedding light on pregnancy-related no-nos. The usual comments always came up; Things like: “Don’t touch a pregnant woman’s stomach without asking” and “Never ask if she is having twins” etc. But no one warned me about people, usually other women, usually mothers themselves, asking me incredibly personal questions.

Further and further along in my pregnancy, I have noticed more and more (mostly) women feel that it is ok to ask me private, personal, invasive and downright embarrassing (for me) questions. Now I get it that some of you out there are an open book of bodily functions and the beauty of human form and yada yada yada. Good for you. I’ve been told time and time again that once the baby is here, I will be less private and less reserved about my own body. Maybe I will, and maybe I won’t, but at the end of the day, that is MY CHOICE. As is my choice to voluntarily enter into a conversation with another person whom I feel safe and comfortable with regarding personal and private manners.

I would need more than my two hands to count how many times I’ve been asked a private question during this pregnancy that I have been uncomfortable answering (or rather shouldn’t have been put on the spot to answer because it’s none of their damn business). It started early on when I noticed several female clients at work felt that it was ok to comment on the size of my breasts. I even had one say, “I was going to ask you if you had a boob job, but then I thought ‘there was no way she would want them even bigger’ so you must be pregnant right?”. Then as my pregnancy progressed it was comments like, “Have you been struggling with constipation?” “Have you had any issues with haemorrhoids yet?” “Have your nipples started leaking?” and “Are you going to go for a wax before the baby comes?”.

This has completely perplexed me, perhaps because I would never dream of asking someone a question like this unless we were already down the rabbit hole in a private conversation and had established that comfort level. And that is the thing, most of these have come out of left field! “Hows baby doing? Good? Have you suffered from vaginal swelling?”. What is worse, is when I respond with, “wow that is a very personal question,” only to be told that I’m uptight or that I will be much less concerned about these things once I become a mother. Since when was it ever ok to downplay someone’s personal boundaries?

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“Is there some sort of secret society or club that you enter when you give birth that gives you carte blanch to ask other females these types of questions? Count me out thanks.”

Perhaps some women feel it is a right of passage. Perhaps it was done to them so now they feel it is ok to do as well. Maybe, they genuinely want to help, having suffered from certain ailments privately themselves (Hey, I do like to see the good in people). Most of the women I have had these comments from clearly delivered babies in an era before regular internet access. Perhaps they only had their own mothers and books to rely on.

Either way, I’m kinda done with it. 

I want to express as well that this is in no way me not wanting to create open and honest female friendship bonds. I’m all for a sisterhood of frank conversations and empowerment when entered into knowingly and thoughtfully. This is making another person feel uncomfortable by asking a personal, private or intrusive question that you have no right to ask.

“This is about being mindful of other peoples boundaries.”

So ladies (or gents who’ve maybe witnessed this or worse, participated) do tell me, how do you feel about this topic? Have you ever caught yourself making an intrusive or invasive comment that clearly has made someone uncomfortable (I’m sure we all have). Have you been subjected to it?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

Charlotte Tilbury CA

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Girl Loves Gloss

Jaime Pickering | 30-something, makeup hoarding (I prefer to call it "collecting"), classic rock loving, jeans and t-shirt girl - who just happens to love a little gloss from time to time.
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Latest posts by Girl Loves Gloss (see all)

  • Ugh. Seriously, some people have absolutely no boundaries!!! I can’t stand that!!!! Yikes!

  • Hi Jaime! I’m currently 31 weeks, and the worst thing someone said to me was: Was this pregnancy wanted? To make matters worse, this person isn’t even close to me, uugghhhh. Just for the record, we had been trying for nearly 4 years, so indeed, very wanted!

    • Congrats on your pregnancy!
      I got a few of those too and it is sooo rude. We even had a family member say “so, I guess this was one of those oopsies blessings?” – um no, we’d been trying for ages. Even if it was, who has the right to ask that???

  • Sumithra

    Hi Jaime, Im sumithra From India.. 😃 yeah, very true. I think we are forced to listen to a lot of personal questions from known, unknown when there’s a baby bump.. Irrespective of language, religion, country.. Sometimes i give a smile and move off, sometimes i answer understanding their desperation, sometimes i get irritated.. Its totally up to us as to how to take things.. One thing for sure is we cant run away from this.. 😊 so lets relax and have fun..

  • Oh wow! Some of these questions are downright… offensive 🙁 I know I’m cringing as I’m reading through this post so I can’t believe how some people think it’s ok to ask these things. I never know what to say to my pregnant co-workers in fear of committing a faux pas like this so your article is providing some guidance to that! Hope all is well on your end 😉

    Stephanie | theFantasia.com

  • During my first pregnancy I got a lot of this. I came across as if they wanted me suffer and were just waiting for the moment to bask in my suffering. My pet peeve was being told 20 times a day how big, massive or huge I was getting. “Oh, really! I hadn’t noticed”.
    Be prepared, it get worse after the baby arrives. You’ll get people who’ll gauge your competence as a parent on when your child meets certain milestones. People have been asking me if my daughter is walking yet since she was 9 months old. She’s now 16 months, and no she’s not yet walking. But when you point out that most children don’t start walking until 18 months “There’s no need to be so defensive”.
    You can’t win.

    Laura // http://thatgallowaygirl.com/

    • Oh I am totally expecting it to continue once she arrives! I think I was just so shocked at how personal people felt it was ok to get. A woman I barely knew felt it was ok to ask me how I was preparing my nipples for breastfeeding!